The Barnacle

So, Ted's wedding was yesterday. I was actually kinda looking forward to it, but then everything went wrong.

Stella left before the ceremony.

Ted acting like he's okay and nothing happened, but we're all kinda worried he's gonna snap...

[Private Entry]

I can't believe I caught feelings.

I am 83% recovered. And even that 17% isn't so bad, because I can totally use it to score chicks.

Also, instead of crutches I now use a cane. That's right, a cane. It's totally awesome. I might keep it, actually.

So, yeah. I'm back. And anyone who'd like to celebrate that is welcome. Tonight. Maclarens. 78th and Amsterdam.

It's going to be legendary!

Have an awesome day celebrating the most awesome country in the universe.

Tomorrow is my own Independence day. Finally getting out of here!

I am back! Officially awesome again.

It's been a dark few months for the Barnacle, people. My body has not felt the soothing caress of a finely tailored suit in weeks. And the only scotch I've has is the little that Robin smuggled in. (I owe you for that big time. Seriously, you're awesome.)

But I'm through that now. I am plaster-free, and out of here first thing Monday morning. It's gonna be legen- wait for it....










-dary!

Hey, you guys. This is Marshall, I'm posting for Barney. He said he needed someone he trusts, apparently something happened when he got one of the hospital staff to post to his 'regular' blog. He said he'd pay me, so...

He says he's awesome, and getting awesomer by the day, but that he wishes this place hired hotter nurses. And he actually complained to the management about that.

(He paid me to write that letter too. Hey, I'm unemployed and my apartment's crooked. Don't judge.)

Anyway, yeah, he's doing good. He should be out of traction by the end of next week, and the neck brace comes off Thursday. He'll be able to move a little more. He's seen all your comments and they really mean a lot to him.

(I promised him I'd erase that last line, but I'm not gonna. Really, they do, he'd just never say it.)

It was really nice of Pete and Rose to come say hi, too. So, thanks, you guys.

So, I'm in a private jet on the way to Vegas.

This is truly going to be legendary.

Because I am so awesome, I don't even need a wingman. I know, I know, risky strategy. But really, it's time to take the training wheels off. So I had to cut him loose. No biggie, and I hope there's no hard feelings.

Anyway. Vegas. Floyd Mayweather vs Grizzly Bear. Awesome.

Today is good day, isn't it?

Actually, no, it's an awesome day.

[Private Entry]

I slept with Robin.

I slept... with Robin.

I. Slept. With. Robin.

I know I should be pretending it never happened, but ... I slept with Robin!

I knew we'd have awesome sex, way back when I first came on to her. And I was so right - God, I haven't had sex that awesome in a long time. I can't stop thinking about it. I mean, it's natural that sex as mindblowingly awesome as the sex we had last night sticks in your head for a couple days, right?

But I need to start thinking like it never happened. Because if it never happened, then I haven't broken the Bro Code. And I really don't want to have broken the Bro Code.

So, yeah. I did not sleep with Robin.

I did not sleep with Robin.

I. Did. Not. Sleep. With. Robin...

Have an awesome birthday, bro.

Last night was officially legendary.

Ted and I hit this club, and there was no consequences. Or, there were, but they were awesome. There were more chicks than guys at the club. In New York. So awesome.

My green suit served me well, once again. I only wear it once a year, but it never steers me wrong, that suit. It's off to the dry cleaners now. (I woke up in a dumpster this morning. Sign of a good St Patty's Day number 17.)

And I have work now. Light day, thankfully. Just a meeting with some North Koreans, but I shouldn't talk about that here.

So how is everyone here doing?

Damn.

Awesome game though. Even if they got that last flukey goal...

Bring it on!

Note: I am actually watching the game with empress_penguin, so you know, if we win and no one hears from me...

Damnit. They scored.

There's still time.

So there was a hockey game at the winter Olympics last night. Anyone watch? If you didn't, here's the score:

United States of Awesome: 5 - Canada: 3.

I can think of only three words that are appropriate right now:

Suck it, Scherbatsky!

Happy Desperation Day.

I hope your days are merry and hot. And that all cups runneth over (and are like, C minimum. Aim high tonight, guys. Fish in a barrel. Seriously.).

( Nell's meme )

( 20 questions )

Damnit.

It's that time of year again.

SUPERBOWL!

Go Colts.

(Yeah, if I'd bet on the Saints, Marshall would have banned me from the party...)

Daddy's back.

[Filtered to Friends]

Noooooooo!!!

I have - I have the yips! You know, when you overthink simple things so much that you can't do them at all?

Last night, I tanked in a room full of supermodels. I couldn't even talk to them!

Damn Rhonda. And now she won't even sleep with me again so I can earn it with her for real and move past this whole thing like Heidi Klum suggested. Does anyone have any other suggestions on how to kick this? It can't involve sex, because I apparently can't even talk to a woman without screwing it up.

I couldn't even put on a suit this morning. I'm not awesome enough to wear one. I'm wearing sweatpants, for crying out loud.

Help?